However hard it may be to bid farewell to this world, when the conditions that bind us to this [samsara] realm run out, we are powerless to do anything as the final hour arrives and we are swept away to that Land.-The Collected Works of Shinran (CWS), Vol. 1, p. 666
This week has been an especially rough week. I never expected that I would have to live without my grandmother so soon. It is to be expected that death is always looming and we should live our lives expecting it. It has always been a selfish wish of mine to wish to live forever and to wish for my family members to live forever.
However in this world of impermanence this can not be so. I’ve been spending time at the hospital trying to spend as much time with her as possible expecting the inevitable. Sleep came quickly when it needed to happen, there was always food to eat, and at times this week I completed the task I was supposed to all in the back of my mind selfishly wanting to keep her alive and getting better.
Today, my grandmother passed on. There was no fanfare. There was just the immediate family that said their goodbyes and she went as peacefully as she could. A great woman of faith and a chapter that closes for my family. There aren’t enough words to say what i feel about my grandmother and I haven’t even really begun to process it all yet.